Does he want the same thing as you?

How to know if he wants the same thing

You can watch what he does, and it tells you a lot. Someone who wants the same thing makes real plans, says what he's looking for, and talks about a future with you. The trouble is you only ever see your own side of it, so you end up guessing at his.

The surest way past the guessing is to compare. You answer how you see things, he answers how he sees them, and you look at where the two of you match and where you don't.

Take it for him, then send him his own

First you take the What does he want test about him, the way things feel to you right now. At the end you get a link to send him. He opens it and answers the same questions about himself, in his own words, with no account and nothing saved to his name.

You send it however feels easy. Something light works best:

What you'll see, and what you won't

Once he's answered, you see where the two of you line up and where you read things differently. You don't see his answers one by one. Keeping his side his is what lets him be honest, so it feels like the two of you working it out together, not a test he has to pass.

Will he feel like I'm testing him?

That worry is fair, and it's why it's built this way. He answers with no account, nothing is saved to his name, and there's no score hanging over him. To him it's just a quick, light thing, not a trap. A man who'd pull back from a heavy "where is this going" talk will often answer a quiz on his phone without a second thought.

What to do with what you find

A gap doesn't mean it's over. It means there's something worth talking about before it turns into months of guessing. You can talk it through with Clarity, which looks at what you both said and helps you think about your next move, honest with you and kind about him.